Strugs with bugs

Before I read the “Harry Potter” series in first grade, I loved bugs. I was one of those kids who loved to get her hands dirty, enthralled by the little creatures I’d find in my backyard.

But after I read about Aragog, the enormous, freaky arachnid that nearly eats Harry, Ron and Hermione alive, my mindset was instantaneously changed. The ants that I had once seen as dear pets had become savage, deceptively small monsters that would gorge on every fiber of my being if they had the chance.

Now, all bugs are generalized to hairy, slimy, multi-eyed nuisances that quietly wait in the shadows to attack and eat humans.

I guess you can say that I have a slight case of entomophobia (a fear of insects and other bugs). After using my friends as human shields against bugs one time too many, they decided it was time to get over my “irrational” fear. The  guidelines of my challenge were set: I was to hold a bug for one minute without screaming or dropping it.

My desensitization began and ended on a Tuesday afternoon in the sunny backyard of fellow sophomore Saya Sivaram’s house. My stomach roiled with the anticipation of the disgusting, terrible insect I was going to be forced to hold.

I closed my eyes and held out my hand, waiting for Saya to find a bug and plop in my palm.  Finally (and unluckily for me), Saya managed to find the most creepy, disgusting and enormous roly-poly in the entire garden. I opened my eyes, took one look at the hideous creature, screamed bloody murder and dropped it.

I came extremely close to squashing it, but then I realized that Saya was intent on holding me hostage in her backyard until I successfully completed the challenge (meaning that I held a bug and didn’t have a heart attack).  

So, for the second time, I closed my eyes and held out my trembling hand. The round, black bug was slowly inching up my pointer finger. Every tiny movement caused the nerves in my hand to send warning signals to my brain. It was just too much. I couldn’t handle this torture. I dropped it again . . .  and then I squashed it. Whoops.  

As they say, third time's the charm, right? Intent on seeing this challenge through, I used my meditation skills to push through this roadblock in my life. With a new sense of determination, I forced my hand forward and beckoned for a new roly-poly to crawl upon my hand.

I don’t remember much of what the roly-poly did as I was in my zen mode. But when the ringing of the timer broke through, all I could comprehend was that I succeeded and that there was still a bug on my hand. Dropping the bug, I celebrated my victory by chanting, “I am the queen of bugs! They all bow down to me!”

By this time, I’m sure the neighbors were a little worried about what was happening, but I was too amazed by the fact that I actually held a bug for an entire minute. As soon as I went home, I had a sense of pride in the fact that I had “gotten over my fear.”

The happiness that came with overcoming such a huge damper in my life lasted for a while. It dawned upon me later that I wasn’t 100 percent over my fear — when a spider crawled toward me on the wall next to my bed.

Let’s just say it didn’t end well for both of us.