Sophomore battles eating disorder, learns to trust peers and family

Sophomore Althea Zhao woke up one morning eight months ago to the monotonous beeps of a heart monitor. Her heart was beating at 36 beats per minute (bpm), 44 bpm under a healthy heart beat.

As she stared blankly at the flashing number on the screen, the door suddenly opened, and a nurse entered with a tray of turkey drenched in puke-colored gravy. Disgusted, Zhao looked away, pretending to fall asleep again in her hospital bed at the Lucile Packard Children’s Hospital in Palo Alto. But there was no easy escape from this trap she had made for herself.

Last May, Zhao was diagnosed with anorexia. Since she discovered her eating disorder, she has been fighting to overcome it.

Her battle with anorexia began when she started dieting two years ago. At that time,  the 4-foot, 11-inches tall Zhao weighed around 105 pounds and her first decision was to go vegan in an effort to live a healthier lifestyle. At the time, Zhao convinced herself that her primary motivation was helping the planet by going vegan, but eventually it became restrictive as she had convinced herself that veganism was the only healthy choice.

“Then I began reading into [dieting], and I realized that I could eat [fewer] calories if I ate more vegetables and fruit instead of carbs,” Zhao said.

She went to websites like Yahoo Food, MyFitnessPal and PopSugar, reading article after article on weight loss and dieting, slowly indoctrinating herself. Although some of these websites were dubiously accurate, Zhao continued to read on, persuading herself that these articles would only help her achieve her ideal lifestyle.

“The more I read, the [guiltier] I felt about eating these supposedly bad foods,” Zhao said. “I began consuming [fewer] calories, yet I still had trouble losing weight, and I didn’t understand why.”

Frustrated, Zhao decided to meet with a dietician. Her parents supported the idea of meeting with a dietician because they wanted to make sure that Zhao’s vegan diet was balanced and proper.

But after a few appointments with several dieticians, she realized that all of them were saying the same thing: You need to eat more.

But soon she began to have the opposite problem: She began binging.

“I would want to stop, but I couldn’t,” Zhao said. “I gained a lot of weight, which made me really unhappy.”

Fearing additional pounds, she began intensive workouts last January, running up to 5 miles a day while also consuming fewer calories. Once again, Zhao was on the wrong track to a healthy diet.

As she began exercising for two to three hours per day, while only eating 1,000 to 1,200 calories, Zhao began noticing changes. Her hair fell out, the skin around her knuckles would crack and bleed easily and she often felt cold.

Zhao said she forced herself to lose weight every week, eventually almost reaching 90 pounds. However, Zhao said that because of her height, she was unsure of whether she was actually underweight. Whenever she gained even a fraction of a pound, she would restrict herself immediately, making sure that she ate fewer calories the next meal.

“At one point, it was so important for me to lose weight that I couldn’t let myself eat when I was hungry,” Zhao said. “I cut out sugar, wheats, white carbs and meats from my diet.”

Zhao’s parents tried to get her to eat more grains, but she could only stomach foods like salad, avocado, tofu and chickpeas. As she continued to refuse to eat her mother’s cooking, she began to distance herself from her mother.

“We fought a lot, and I remember crying because I didn't want to eat more,” Zhao said.

Worried, her parents brought her to a doctor. Later that day, she was admitted to the hospital and diagnosed with anorexia.

At first, Zhao was in denial. She could not wrap her mind around the fact that her heart was shrinking because of her eating habits, as told by her doctors.

With this realization, Zhao worked to control her obsession with calorie-counting and intense exercise, and as the months passed, with the support of her friends, family and doctors, Zhao has made progress in her battle with anorexia. She began to hang out with friends more often, whether it was a simple Starbucks run or a lunch out, and reduced her workouts.

“Recovery is something that’s hard, but as you keep pushing yourself, the voice [in your head] begins to quiet down,” Zhao said. “The eating disorder took a lot away from my life, and it is hard, but in the end, it’s so worthwhile to be [finally] free from my problems.”

From Zhao’s experience with anorexia, her parents hope that others will be aware that eating disorders are

“We hope the story about Althea's experience will encourage people to realize that eating disorders are far more common than most people imagine,” Zhao’s mom Shirley Miao said. “In reality, it is the healthiest to eat a varied, flexible diet.”

Aside from her parents, Zhao appreciates those friends who have stayed by her side. From this experience, she learned to trust the people around her, knowing that they would accept her for how she was.

“I just tried to be there for her, to listen to her,” Althea’s friend sophomore Andreah Salazar said. “I could tell her experiences I went through and help her relate.”

Salazar, who previously experienced an eating disorder, said that through learning about these issues, people can help break the stigma about social image and understand what people like Zhao, and once herself, went through.

Like Salazar, Zhao agrees that body image, which once controlled her life, isn’t as important as it once seemed.

“People appreciate a lot more than just body image,” Zhao said. “It’s just a superficial impression that we all have to learn to look past.”