Scared to stare

After finishing up my math homework one afternoon, my eyes naturally landed on the black computer screen sitting in front of me. Then, I saw a shadow on my black computer screen.

I jumped and slammed the screen shut as hard as I could. 

I did not get stabbed in the back. 

Thank God that it turned out to be my mom holding a cup of grapes and not Slenderman, a fictional supernatural character known for murdering people by stabbing them in the back. But seeing anything on the computer screen while it is asleep makes me want to scream and run. 

This is no doubt my biggest fear. 

My fear expands beyond this to encompass anything that I am simply incapable of knowing. The fact that I can never see things behind me without the help of reflections disturbs me. I always feel like someone or something is staring straight at my back, and can sometimes feel the pressure. 

According to a report published by ScienceDirect, the feeling of an unknown presence is a psychological misperception and mirroring of the body’s actions. Normally, our bodies can differentiate between ourselves and others, but every so often, things get a little mixed up, and that is why one sometimes is able to feel and see things that do not actually exist. Having a black computer screen in front of me forces me to confront my ultimate fear of seeing what is behind me. 

Whenever the pressure accumulates, my mind sinks. I nervously turn my head hoping nothing jumps out of my closet. Random noises started to ring in my ear: the leaking of water, the wind blowing against my window. My imagination runs wild. 

 For me, this kind of feeling usually lasts about 15 minutes, taking away from a precious amount of time that I could have used to take a nap or to finish another SAT reading passage. 

To avoid further distractions, I have been trying several quotidian methods to study more efficiently. The most effective method seems to be finishing paper assignments at my desk, and then taking my computer to the living room where I can concentrate to do online assignments. Aside from that, food also helps me focus. The sweetness of cookies always softens my nerves. 

Even though this fear is really irrational and most people will think that I am joking, I never actually treat this as a serious problem that will prevent me from enjoying my life because over time, I know that I will find ways to cope with it.