Rick Santorum, God’s choice for president

The savior of America will sweep across the nation in an ill-fitting sweater vest, his speech as eloquent as his coiffure. His entire campaign screams “red, white and blue”: anti-education, anti-secularism and pro-discrimination. Get ready, America, for a nation run by Rick Santorum.

Currently, Santorum is the only candidate who realizes the truth: Higher education is designed for snobs. College has become a place for impressionable young minds to be assaulted by poisonous liberal propaganda, not to “learn.” Anyone who believes otherwise is an elitist whose ego is bolstered by his own education and a heathen who has stumbled off of God’s intended path.

As for how to prevent liberalism in colleges from taking over the minds of the youth, Santorum has the perfect solution: “Stop it.” It is perfectly logical to, as Santorum suggests, stop all donations to secular universities who force their radical beliefs onto innocent young minds because colleges are a scar on American society’s otherwise unblemished visage.

Santorum has stated that half of students who entered non-religious colleges with a religious affiliation lost their faiths. In turn, he explained the dangers of secularism John F. Kennedy posed during his speech in 1960.

Though this statistic is unconfirmed and Santorum’s interpretation of Kennedy’s speech was the opposite of its true meaning, these missteps are rendered irrelevant because the essence of Santorum’s comments gets to the very base of the issue with our nation.

Americans are becoming less devoted to God every day, and it is up to Santorum to salvage what is left of their dwindling faiths. Separation of church and state is obviously an idea of the past, and should be left there, with the other outdated ideals of the founding fathers. Secularism is the government’s way of imposing its own ideas onto the public, and frankly, it makes good Americans “want to throw up.”

Evidence of America’s loss of faith lies in its increasing tolerance. More and more states are legalizing gay marriage, a slap in the face to all who hold marriage sacred. Despite rising divorce rates among heterosexual couples and widely publicized 72-hour marriages, it seems allowing gays to marry is still the only true stain upon the sanctity of marriage.

Santorum sees the dangers of the consequences of gay marriage and is doing his best to help citizens see the light. After all, gays will not be discriminated against; everybody has the right to marry a person of the opposite sex. It may not be in the constitution, but it’s in the Bible, and that’s what counts in government.

In addition to Santorum’s revolutionary beliefs about America’s infrastructure, his foreign policy is also a winner. America should not have to apologize for its mistakes. Obama made a grave error in apologizing for American soldiers who burned Korans in Afghanistan in February because it “shows weakness.” This sort of unapologetic policy which Santorum would implement will undoubtedly help America gain respect from other nations.

Hark back to the monarchies of ancient Europe, and it is clear that the most well-known leaders (Louis XIV, Kaiser Wilhelm, Napoleon, etc.) ascended their thrones through the doctrine of divine right. It is undeniable that Santorum is the perfect candidate, since his wife, Karen Santorum, has stated that his presidency is God’s will. How can liberals and democrats possibly deny his right to commander-in-chief when the divine entity has chosen Santorum for this position?