Our top 10 deathbed regrets

April 28, 2022 — by Sarah Zhou and Victoria Hu
Photo by Victoria Hu
After the dryness of that baked potato, we will need IV fluids to die properly hydrated.
When we take our final breaths, we will reflect on the worst mistakes of our lives.
  1. Leaving bananas in our backpacks.

Did we just discover a new form of mold? Where is our Nobel Science Prize? 

  1. Deciding to bunk together at science camp.

We both got extremely whiny when it came to choosing who got the top and bottom bunks. It was not a fun four nights.

  1. Standing in front of a tetherball pole while someone swings the ball.

Thankfully we don’t go outside anymore. Elementary school had enough recesses for a lifetime.

  1. Signing up for P.E. instead of doing cross country.

Instead of being given two hours to run one mile, we’re given 1.5 hours to run a mile, pretend to lift weights and contemplate life decisions.

  1. Using the school library’s required reading books instead of purchasing our own.

Every time we open “All Quiet on the Western Front,” our noses shrivel up from getting a whiff of eau de Cheeto dust, boogers and body odor from 2005.

  1. Buying the baked potato from the school cafeteria. 

Mmm … nothing does more for your appetite than seeing a crusty, bald little lump with “all the fixings!”

  1. Giving our Chinese New Year’s red envelopes to our parents for “safekeeping.”

Never saw the money again. Every time a withdrawal is brought up (adjusted for inflation, of course), our parents suddenly remember our chemistry grades. 

  1. Forgetting to take an entire quiz in Precalculus Honors.

We both forgot to take the same quiz last year and never made it up. It’s not our fault that we were ONLY given a six-hour window to complete it.

  1. Being too shy to confront the 8th graders who copied our entire final project in 6th grade.

They say time heals all wounds, but — four years later — we still glare at them in the halls sometimes.

  1. Having access to the internet during elementary school.

We wasted perfectly good Google storage space to send chain mail to pester our friends. Anyways 😍😍😍, make sure 🎁🎁🎁 to send 💌💌💌 this top 10 💙💙💙 to the top 10 people 🌹🌹🌹 in your life 💕💕💕 — don’t ❌❌❌ break the chain 🔒🔒​​🔒!

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