Ordering complex Starbucks drinks not worth the wait

Every now and then, we all stand behind a customer at Starbucks whose order is longer than your grocery list. 

These people spend five minutes in front of the cashier emphasizing that their latte has to be nonfat, light ice, with a small drizzle of vanilla and caramel and made with half-soy milk and every other alternate liquid substance in the Starbucks universe or else they won’t take it.

As you can probably tell, I don’t understand the logic behind requiring such a specific drink. Is it really more delicious or healthy that way? It seems unlikely, since Starbucks drinks can really only deviate from simple orders so much before they all begin to taste the same.

So, one morning, I decided to settle this question once and for all: Do complex Starbucks orders really make a better drink? 

I decided to conduct an experiment. I would search for the most complex Starbucks order I could find on Google and then compare it to my basic caramel frappuccino to see if I could taste the difference.

I found a couple of variants for the company’s regular coffee drinks and their juices, but nothing was as interesting as the many different ways you could order a frappuccino. 

Apparently, the longest possible frappuccino order you can give your barista before the register stops comprehending more add-ons is the Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino, Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, plus one Sweet'N Low, one Nutrasweet and less ice. 

And that’s exactly what I did. I printed that entire spiel on a piece of paper and gave it to my local Starbucks barista, whose face soon turned to something approaching horror. The poor barista, who told me he was a new employee, stared at me in disbelief as I listed out each ingredient that I wanted in my frappuccino. He didn’t even seem to know how to comprehend the order. While I got my basic caramel frappuccino within minutes, I had to wait more than 10 to get that beautiful monstrosity of a drink.

It was time for the verdict: Did it taste any different from my caramel frappuccino? Hardly. 

Even though the complex drink had greater hints  of chocolate and cinnamon, both frappuccinos started tasting like the same sugar-loaded slush halfway through drinking. 

My conclusion: Unless you’re a vegan or have some other special dietary need, it’s better to just get your basic one-line order and not waste your time holding up the entire Starbucks line to settle on an alternate type of milk or sweetener. After all, the drink will taste the same.