McDonalds, lunch bags and soggy buns; the lunch thief takes all

December 3, 2011 — by Samuel Liu

It’s like this. I’m walking out from second period, knowing that my lunch is waiting for me on the table next to the office. I’m salivating. I look around for a bag with “Samuel Liu” written prominently on it, and I look again, and then cry out in anguish.

It’s like this. I’m walking out from second period, knowing that my lunch is waiting for me on the table next to the office. I’m salivating. I look around for a bag with “Samuel Liu” written prominently on it, and I look again, and then cry out in anguish.

Since my freshman year, I have had my lunch stolen seven times, twice with the container and three times with fast food. It hurt the most in my freshman year, when my mom sent me Burger King on my birthday, and I ended up eating a friend’s “healthified” burrito.

Despite being healthier, cheaper and better tasting than school food (at least in my experience), “sent lunch,” or lunch sent to the table by the office at lunch, is much less attractive than what it could be, due to theft.

And so, at the beginning of this year, I decided to experiment with the supposed thief.

On the first day of experimentation, I placed six bagel bites in a bag along with a milk drink, and nothing was taken. The next day, I placed the same bagel bites and milk on the table. (The smell was probably a strong enough deterrent to any lunch thief.)

In my next (accidental) experiment, my dumb-looking lunch bag that says “Bubee” was stolen. I wasn’t actually too disheartened because the thief only ate soggy Chinese buns, which I wasn’t actually planning on eating anyway.

What was interesting was that Chinese buns are visibly unappealing when they are soggy, and that implies that the thief stole not for sustenance but to troll. My mom promptly bought another Bubee lunch bag, and it probably was not a good idea considering that the bag is rather popular.

However, the thief has gotten his comeuppance, and I have gotten my temporary yet completely pointless victory. On the last day of my experiment, roughly a month ago, I brought a McDonald’s bag. My oh-so clever trick will be revealed later on.

On a more serious note, the lunches were formerly placed in the office, which protected them with authority. However, office workers complained of the smell of food of “different cultures,” and the lunches were promptly moved to the table where they sit today. A staff member said, rather assertively, that students should bring their own lunches and learn responsibility.

In truth, the real problem lies not in the conflict of opinions between whether or not one should bring lunch, but in the fact that the table is an area of high theft activity.

I hope that the office will at least consider placing a security camera above the lunches, like many cameras around campus. I’m positive that the numbers of thefts would diminish immediately.

Let’s get back to my McDonalds. Once again, I’m strolling out of second period Kucer Chemistry Honors, stomach rumbling, mind fried and horribly hungry. I turn to the lunch table, and my McDonald’s with two Big Macs are nowhere to be seen. This time, however, I smile.

Because within the boxes are two freshly made and completely inedible rocks, and my real lunch is hidden in another lunch bag.

That’s right, thief. That’s right.

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