I’m snow board of all these snowboarders

Life is a collection of firsts: having a first loose tooth, a first time going to Disneyland and getting a first car. As the weather gets frosty, I am inadvertently reminded of my first time snowboarding at age seven — a perilous acceleration toward the edge of a steep drop, a mouthful of dirt-saturated snow and a handful of bruises — a very unfortunate one indeed.

My issue with snowboarding isn’t simply a result of my physical incompetence. It is simply against human nature to strap both feet to the plastic death trap that is called a board, an act that reduces physical capabilities in a potentially dangerous situation.

According to the American Journal of Sports Medicine, “injury rates in snowboarders have fluctuated over time but currently remain higher than in skiers.” Humans are usually blessed with two legs, so we should use them. And that is why I like skiing: It doesn't present any of the troubles of snowboarding.

To be completely honest, I’m lazy. It’s pretty hard to get me outside in California weather, so you imagine my reluctance  when time outside involves a strenuous physical activity like skiing. Fortunately, to lessen the pain, the geniuses who invented skiing equipped skiers with poles for flats and difficult situations, making my skiing trips something I actually look forward to.

When removing ski blades, skiers simply push the pole tip into the heel lever that makes the boot come out of the blade. In contrast, snowboarders are forced to either bend forward, potentially falling in the process, or find a place to sit down, usually in the stinging snow, to remove the complicated web of straps and clips. Yes, another opportunity to fall is exactly what I needed. Thank you, snowboard inventor. You know me so well.

The No. 1 reason that people choose snowboarding over skiing is for the thrill. Skiing is seen as tame, while snowboarding is believed to maximize adrenaline.

But let’s do some simple math: Adrenaline rushes are attributed to speed. The higher the velocity, the more adrenaline a person experiences. Snowboarders, demonstrating their tremendous lack of logic (as usual), don’t realize that given a skier and boarder with equal physical capabilities, the skier will  go faster than the boarder nine out of ten times.

Skiers can actually go higher and farther when performing jumps as well, causing an additional rush of adrenaline. I’m not a physics goddess, so I can’t explain the concepts behind the facts, but science has sided with me and the skiers of the world once again. If you want that rush, go with two blades, not one.

So unless you want to contrast the snow-capped wonderland with your purple and green bruised posterior, you should adopt and cherish the exhilarating sport of skiing.