How to enjoy Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day has traditionally been a holiday where happy, lovey-dovey couples celebrate their relationships. But wait, isn’t that what couples should be doing every single day — appreciating and celebrating each other?

Well, we are two little single pringles and have never actually been in a relationship, but that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t get to enjoy this special holiday. So why not take this time to celebrate with the most important person in each of our lives — ourselves, obviously.

We have compiled this helpful guide to help you — and us — enjoy this purposeless holiday called “Valentine’s Day.”

First, crash your favorite couple’s date, otherwise called “third-wheeling.” Rather than looking at this situation as hindering your friends, we see it as a way to bring some great positive energy to their outing. Remember, you are the head wheel in this tricycle. It is important to understand that the back two wheels are merely there for your support and your support only.

Second, buy yourself some chocolate at your local Safeway. Sure, you’re participating in some corporate scheming to rid you of all your hard earned money, but the delicious Belgian chocolate is 50 percent off this week, and we have take advantage of that. (For more information, check out Sophia Zivanic’s story).

Third, mail yourself a card to gush about how amazing you are because let’s be real, where would you be… without you? Seriously. Applaud yourself. Maybe even slip a $5-bill in your self appreciation card and treat yourself to some quality boba.

Fourth, honor the good Saint Valentine properly by becoming an ordained minister. According to Ancient Roman History, Saint Valentine was killed by the Roman Emperor Claudius II for joining Christian couples in beautiful matrimony. So what better way to honor his deeds than to become ordained and spend the rest of the day letting every couple you know that they are celebrating Valentine’s Day incorrectly?

Fifth, grab a few of your closest single grandma friends and knit yourself a single sock. Yes, one single sock. Because if you are like us, you are sick and tired of society telling you that it needs to be a part of a pair to be whole.

Sixth, curl up in bed in your softest pajamas, switch the TV on and watch every Valentine’s Day movie that you can find on Netflix while stuffing your face with Taco Bell tacos. Throw the empty hot sauce packets at the annoyingly perfect couples on screen, and cheer obnoxiously for the hilarious single sidekicks.

Lastly, sigh in relief, knowing that you can treat yourself to an upscale outing like every other couple the following day because you are single and don’t need Valentine’s Day to appreciate yourself. Treat everyday like it is an “I hate Valentine’s Day” Day. Celebrate yourself everyday — because the most important relationship in our lives is with ourselves.

#TreatYoself2k18