Guacamole is the worst

March 20, 2022 — by Nikhil Mathihalli
I just don’t understand why people think it’s so good.

My family loves guacamole. In fact, they love it so much that they put it in every suitable meal that they eat. For me, however,  as soon as I take a bite out of a guacamole-loaded burrito, the nauseating taste gives me headaches and I cannot bear to eat any more.

Of all the assortments of dips, guacamole is undeservedly one of the most popular. Seriously, there are definitely better dips like salsa.

I actually used to love guacamole. There was a time when I willingly ate it almost every day, but memories of bad stomach aches in the weeks that followed is just one of the several reasons that I now despise guacamole.

Let’s evaluate each ingredient, starting with avocados. There is literally no fruit more plain than an avocado. Somehow, when you mix the most bland fruit with a random assortment of vegetables, the result is a heavenly dip the entire world loves? I literally don’t buy it.

Some people say it’s the tomatoes that give the guacamole its distinctive taste. Seriously? Tomatoes are extremely juicy, but they’re flavorless — the tomato water mixes with the avocado to make a nasty slime. Gross!

But the worst part? The onions. 

I could rant about onions for days. They’re overpowering, almost acidic, and if I accidentally touch so much as a single piece of onion to my lips, I’m left with a painful aftertaste that lasts the entire day. It stings like a pepper, but not in a pleasant or satisfying way.

I genuinely cannot eat onions, tomatoes and avocados at the same time. The onions are overpowering and make your mouth burn, the tomato peels are gross and the avocado literally adds zero taste.

In addition to tasting awful, guacamole is expensive. And yes, I’m talking about Chipotle’s egregious guacamole tax. 

An average meal (for me, at least) costs around $10, and adding guacamole is another $2. Why would I pay extra for something that decreases the quality of my meal?

To be fair, there’s nothing objectively wrong with eating guacamole — it’s a dish that almost the entire world agrees with. It’s just a pain to watch the rest of my family enjoy a food that I simply cannot consume or understand. But of course, this is coming from a guy who can eat brussel sprouts and broccoli for days.

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