Boba-lover dissects his favorite boba order

May 10, 2022 — by Jonny Luo
Photo by Jonny Luo
The cup of boba on the right was my delicious go-to order from Teaspoon.
If I’m spending $6 on a cup of boba, I’m getting something I know will be good.

Should my doctor look at my weekly diet, I’m sure he would have a heart attack on my behalf because of all the sugar I consume, most of which comes from my exorbitant boba consumption.

Like any long-time boba addict, I have my favorite order: a large passion fruit green tea with no ice, half sugar and boba or lychee jelly. Should you ever find yourself standing in the middle of a boba store with a giant menu in front of you, this is undeniably the perfect order for you. Below is my analysis of why that is. 

The first component of my order is always upgrading to the large size. Another 6 oz of heart-attack-inducing goodness for just another 50 cents? What a deal! 

The next is to get passion fruit green tea. The bitterness of the tea, complemented with the sweet flavor of passion fruit,  drastically enhances the drinking experience, although I do have occasional reservations about drink quality. Sometimes, I walk into a store that tells me that their passion fruit juice is “fresh” or “just squeezed,” but most of the flavor comes from this white tub they squeeze the passion fruit syrup out of. Nevertheless, the flavor is still worth this small sacrifice.

The third is to get no ice. I want to get the maximum amount of tea possible, and do you know how much space ice takes up? The answer is a lot. When ice melts, it drastically dilutes your drink. If I’m paying $6 for a cup of boba, I’m going to get the most bang for my buck. 

The fourth is to get half-sugar. Most drinks are too sweet even for my sugar-desensitized palate, and I don’t want to get diabetes. In fact, unlike most people, I like the bitter taste that less sugar brings. Reducing the sugar also allows you to taste a little more of cheap, mass-produced tea boba shops guiltlessly use instead of just tasting sugar. 

The last is to either get boba or lychee jelly. Boba provides a nice chew, unless it’s bad — it’ll be very clear if it’s bad. Nice and chewy boba with a sugary coating signifies a high-quality shop, while boba that is slightly hard in the middle — and seems like it was made 12 hours ago — indicates shops that do not deserve my money. Sometimes, I get lychee jelly instead of boba. There’s no way a boba store can screw this up; they all literally buy the same box of pre-made lychee jelly. 

Although I sometimes cheat on my favorite boba order and get a different flavor or add-in, I always come back to this faithful order that has gotten me through my entire life. I can depend on it for consistency, pleasure and an astounding taste. 

If you’re ever confused about what to order when you’re staring at a menu with too many options, just follow my boba order and your taste buds will have the time of their life.

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