We officially can’t do pickup lines

We consider ourselves masters of flirtation. If the population of our school were bees, we would be the honey—if that honey also had great hair. Ever since elementary school we have been swarmed by romantically interested individuals asking for answers to math homework or advice that could potentially make them rich in 20 years.

So, naturally, when the Falcon’s Lifestyles editors challenged us to start conversations with pickup lines, we happily obliged.

Ryan:

I was, unfortunately, unsuccessful in my attempt to start conversations with pick-up lines and corny phrases. I assumed an air of confidence and walked up to my friend sophomore Michelle Lee and said, while pinching my shirt, “You know what material this is? Boyfriend material,” sly wink included. In response, she gave me a judgmental look, walked past me and headed to her next class.

I’m not a guy who gives up easily, so I decided to try again, this time with my friend sophomore Allyson Chang. “Know what’s on the menu? Me-n-u,” I said, performing my signature finger-snapping technique. She proceeded to stare at me in confusion.

Not receiving my desired response, I began to bombard her with other pick-up lines: “You may fall from the sky, you may fall from a tree, but the best way to fall is to fall in love with me.”

She began to laugh, barely restraining herself from a fit of giggles. If humor were the intended effect of my pickup lines, it worked brilliantly.

I’m not saying that I can’t come up with my own pick-up lines to dazzle girls with my obvious charm and intellect.  I’m just saying that these stupid pickup lines that I discovered online were pretty useless.

 

Kyle:

I apologize in advance if Ryan and I sound even remotely salty. To be honest, I’m the sassier of the two — I am the sass queen.

One of the pickup lines I found was, “Sorry, but you owe me a drink. Because when I looked at you, I dropped mine.” I was going to use it until I realized that, knowing my sassy reputation, it would  probably come across as more of an insult than a compliment. And no, I’m not speaking from any personal experience here.

Instead, I tried that classic pickup line about Tennessee: “Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only ten-I-see.”

I approached a freshman (yes, a freshman, you read that right) and tried to start a conversation with him by popping the natural question.

He said no and walked away.

I will admit that I was tempted to reply, “Because you look like a hillbilly,” but I’m not that type of person.

Facebook messages flopped, too. I sent junior Bala Balasubramanian the line, “Yo, you owe me a drink. Cause I spilled mine when I saw you.” I had never spoken to him in my entire life and had only seen him once or twice, but nonetheless I hoped at least something interesting would happen. Maybe we’d start a conversation on a completely different topic. He saw the message and didn’t respond.

I felt awkward after a point, so I pinned the blame on Ryan for sending those messages.

Later, I picked a flower from the quad, hoping to woo Spanish teacher Bret Yeilding with my irresistible charm.

When I walked into his class, he greeted me with a glare and a flat, unenthusiastic, “Minus 20 points.” He obviously wasn’t interested to begin with, but I put on my best smile and said, “You are like a beautiful flower” and placed the flower on his desk.

He burst out laughing, and I walked out before he could answer.

Conclusion:

Maybe it’s just us, but we’ve seen plenty of YouTube videos where these pickup lines actually work. On camera, the girl usually smiles, gives her phone number or at least laughs after the guy says his line. All we got were disgusted and worried stares.

After a certain point we grew desperate enough to try approaching a pigeon. To our disappointment, it stared at us blankly and then hopped away.

That one moment sums up our feelings about this whole experience.