Thanks to killer clowns, I can no longer take my nighttime walks

They are, apparently, inescapable — lurking around street corners, crouching in front yard bushes. They have been seen in places as close as San Jose as well as faraway countries like the United Kingdom and Australia. The killer clowns have taken over Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, and now they’ve gone global.

Sorry — let me start from the beginning.

I didn’t care about the clowns until two weeks ago, when I tried to take a nighttime walk, but my parents wouldn’t let me. I blame the clowns, even though my parents wouldn’t directly say that they were afraid of encountering them.

To be fair, they have every right to be concerned. These strange men (or women, for that matter) dressed in clown costumes are, well, no laughing matter. They made that clear in late August when they were first sighted attempting to lure small children into the rural backwoods of South Carolina. Sure, some claim that most of these clowns are good-natured jokesters looking for a little fun, but others have spotted clowns brandishing knives and even loaded guns.

The point is that even if 90 percent of these clowns are harmless pranksters, the slightest possibility of danger should be enough to cause alarm. And the fact that this trend has spread beyond our nation’s borders is even more frightening. Earlier in October, British citizens began reporting clown sightings to local authorities. Some described being attacked viciously; others were surprised when, out of nowhere, the clowns jumped in front of their vehicles.

Now, I’m all for a good scare, but creeping on little kids and trying to break into other people’s cars in the name of “Halloween spirit” or “good fun” is more than disturbing, to say the least.

But, in a larger sense, even if this whole killer clown craze fades as quickly as dabbing or Lorde’s popularity, it speaks volumes about America’s — and the world’s — willingness to jump onto the latest trend, especially when that trend involves potential stalking and otherwise creepy (not to mention criminal) activities.

Admittedly, that criticism is only true if you believe that this clown mania is nothing more than a fad like Silly Bands was in 2010. But if killer clowns have been driven by some mass global conspiracy, then one, thanks for the invite; and two, that’s even worse for everybody.

No matter what happens from here on out, I hope the clown hysteria ends as soon as Halloween is over. I miss my nighttime walks, and I’ll be pretty mad if I can’t take them because some cruel human being in a clown mask has taken an unusual interest in my nocturnal activities.