Growing up with high achieving siblings

Class of 2015 alum Sean Shi grazed the white admission letter with his fingers, his eyes fixated on the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) emblem that he had seen so many times before. Clutching the letter, Sean’s heart beat furiously as his eyes scoured the paper for the decisive word, “Congratulations!”

As Sean located and confirmed his acceptance, cries of joy and elation from his family echoed through the living room — the most noticeable from Sean’s younger brother junior Austin Shi, whose level of excitement nearly surpassed that of his sibling.

Many times in academic environments like Saratoga, it is a common belief that students with successful older siblings grow up in the sibling’s so-called shadow, sometimes harboring feelings of resentment and indignation.

In fact, in a study published by Dr. Sylvia Rimm on the effects of sibling competition, Rimm suggests that in cases where one sibling clearly excels over the other, the lower-achieving sibling may feel undervalued and underappreciated.

However, Rimm mentions that parenting styles make all the difference, saying that if parents push their children to excel in areas where the child feels most comfortable in, the child no longer feels neglected.

Realizing from a young age that he had different interests from Sean, Austin said that his parents were supportive of him and did not expect him to be someone who he was not.

“Our parents actually raised us very differently when we were young kids,” said Austin. “Going back to elementary school, we both went to math club and participated in math competitions, but at some point, my parents just realized I was different.”

With the support of his parents, Austin has been able to pursue his own interests such as Color Guard, without the added pressures of trying to go to a college like MIT.   

“My parents understand that I am different from my brother, and that I do not have to follow his exact footsteps,” said Austin. “However, they still, of course, strive for me to go to a prestigious college and excel in the areas that I want to study.”

Similarly, freshman Nevin Liang, younger brother of Class of 2016 valedictorian and current Harvard freshman Celine Liang, said he  feels little added pressure from his parents. He does, however, use his sister’s accomplishments to fuel and motivate himself to do well in school.

“The pressure I feel isn’t necessarily from my parents, but it’s more of just me challenging myself to get into a school like Harvard,” Nevin said.

Following Celine’s footsteps, Nevin often partakes in math competitions such as the American Invitational Mathematical Examination (AIME) and United States of America Math Olympiad (USAMO).

Nevin occasionally feels the effects of a “shadow” left by Celine when he compares his scores in these competitions to his own. Still, Nevin said that he does not do this often, adding he simply “just tries to do his best.”

“My parents expect me to be better than my sister since they have learned a lot from parenting her,” Nevin said. “However, they don’t compare me to Celine as they know I am already challenging myself to my full extent.”