‘Surviving the Sivarams’: Saratoga’s new reality TV family

What do you get when you put a mechanical engineer (my dad), a speech pathologist (my mom), a physicist (my brother), a policy maker (my sister) and a high school junior (me)  in one room? My family.

       The Sivaram Family. We should honestly just take over for the Kardashians. “‘Surviving the Sivarams,’ on every Wednesday at 8/7 central.”

       Let me back up and give you a bit of exposition. My family is composed of radically different personalities, all with the same last name and occasionally wreaking havoc on each other.

       I’ll start with my dad, or Jabba the Hutt as my siblings and I have coined him. Dad is a traditional nerdy engineer with an affinity for bad puns and a weirdly accurate knowledge of American history. His pastimes include reading, hiking, making various types of tofu and making fun of his children.

       Next up is Mom, sometimes referred to as Ranj. Mom wears the pants in the house. She’s the matriarch of the family, more or less, holding us together and keeping us going. She’s a “cool mom,” meaning that she’s friends with all of my friends and attempts to use modern lingo in her everyday conversation.

She is also unnaturally strong, both literally and figuratively. A gym enthusiast, my mother could take me down with her pinky finger (which is likely more muscular than my entire arm). She’s also the most steadfast, strong woman that I know, and it takes a lot to keep this family under control.

       The oldest kid is Varun, my big brother, and arguably the most famous Sivaram in Saratoga. His academic pursuits are well known and don’t require much explanation. (Suffice to say he is Rhodes Scholar who got his Ph.D in physics from Oxford at age 23.)

Without doubt, Varun is the tamest of the siblings. He likes to snuggle, is a questionable cook and obsesses over the actress Priyanka Chopra far too much. Despite being 27 and now living in Washington, D.C., he is still the most protected and coddled child mostly because he’s just so endearing and slightly clueless.

   My sister, Uttara, age 22, is the coolest person in the family. The most socially competent, she’s been coaching my brother and me on social etiquette for years. Uttara has a razor sharp wit that is often aimed at me and my brother. She is also one of the smartest people I know.

While her brilliance isn’t flashy or obvious at all times, she is one of the best writers I’ve ever known, and her prowess in economics is extremely impressive. Honestly, we think of Uttara as our protector. She’s the first to scare away any of Varun’s girlfriends who she sees as bad for him and is always the first to defend me.

For example, one of Varun’s ex-girlfriends, Maxine, came to eat dinner with us. She had some poorly waxed eyebrows, leading to my sister coining the nickname “Waxine.” Maxine broke up with Varun the next day.

       Lastly, we come to the baby of the family, me. I’ve grown up around this uniquely crazy family and learned so many different ways to live. We have each other’s back through every embarrassing event and mortifying mistake. My family is amazing and I love them, but honestly, I feel we could start our own circus sometimes.

       The Kardashians have nothing on us.